Aaaand i've ended up making quite alot of illustrations for the only stable enough place - Tanks Encyclopedia. I was thinking that it'll be more as a side job, than anything else, but turned out that with my "work time schedule" it's a nice thing to work on. So yeah, underestimated it, and i'm glad that i was wrong.
But with that comes an uncomfortable relisation that i'm still not moving anywhere. I can, mostly, support meself, but not quite enough to move out. The money that i was trying to save up ended up going to regular sht like bills, food and random stuff like LARP costume (so i don't go nuts with doing the same shit every day for months on end...) or new headset cuz the previous one literally fell apart in pieces...
I don't really know why i can't move somewhere in terms of stability, both financial and mental. Even with time, resources and nerves i am spending on the attempts to do so - nothing is really changing.
I'm still trying to get some time to practive more with tattoo, cuz appearantly i couldn't keep a promice even to meself, about learning how to work with it after a month of practice. And now it's been what, two or three now? And the fake skin's barely filled in with shitty lines and dots..
The funny part is that i can see the theoretical ways to make something better, but when i start going with one - it lead to the start with no progress except spent time and money.
So yeah, a bit of sad frustration on the staleness of the world around me. The SAD sht cuz of winter makes it alot harder to bare with. Especially considering sleeping problems that suddenly appeared and feeling of going crazy.
And yeah, i do know how to combat it all, so don't worry, i just feel the need to type it out now, so i can have a small outlet for it.
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