RIP Tanya Roberts


Feb 19, 2013
I'm not saying that *she* faked her death, or that anyone did so intentionally, but if I was a sleazy publicist, I'd be thinking that the best way to recover from overspending on the wife for Christmas--not that my hypothetical self intended to overspend, but she walked in on fantasy me with two of my imaginary mistresses, and for some unknown reason, couldn't be coaxed into a foursome. I'm pretty sure orgies were in our wedding vows. I'm not entirely sure. We were on some designer, experimental stuff that was... not important, at least not to this narrative.

So, she walks out of our palatial manse and contacts our lawyer. Luckily, he's a real whiz at talking spouses down and he circles back to me.

"Rhu," he says, "I can only delay her. You're gonna have to make some sort of grand gesture, 'cause you got a shitty pre-nup."

And I says back to him, "You should know! You wrote the damn thing!"

We shared a good natured chuckle. God, I hate him.

So anyway, there I was, standing in my driveway on a rainy Christmas Eve. No pants--no time to get them. You know how it is.

I think everyone can agree that showing up at a jewelry store as the clock strikes Christmas, coming down off of the coke, naked from the waist down, and soaked to the skin is the ultimate in 2020 moods. You were all standing beside me in spirit, am I right?

After a few fines and seeing a seven-figure bill for cleaning out some shady gem-smugglers, wishing I had just robbed every jeweler in the valley, I come home. And she greets me. She's not even sad. Nor angry. I think. She probably hooked up with the lawyer while I was gone. I know if I were in his shoes, I'd do the same. I hate that guy.

I tell her to wait up in bed, while I design an apology in the living room.

It was a big ruby and emerald heart. Green and red like Christmas. She loved it, but that's not what's important--at least not to this narrative. The important bit is that this little gesture cleaned me out, and I at least need a boost in royalty cuts to afford the mortgage for the next month. Lucky for me, my client Tanya Roberts in the hospital with an undisclosed illness, and nothing sells a body of work like a dead body, if you know what I mean...


GalactHunt, Eater of Guilds
Aug 31, 2009
I thought that she did ultimately turn out to be dead...I know there was a blip where they said she wasn't, but then the reality was she had indeed passed.


Shotgun Enthusiast
Sep 25, 2009
She was alive when they announced she had died. She has since died from a UTI apparently.
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