Petraeus: Spyin' and Bonin'

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Just wanted to call the title for my Petraeus scandal novel: Petraeus: Spyin' and Bonin'

So, none of you other butt heads better steal my title!

Petraeus: Spyin' and Bonin'
A military-spy-romance-bromance-failure porn masterpiece! Military jargon and a hot love scene ending in an explicitly described ejaculation sequence ON EVERY PAGE! It's 50 Shades of Gray meets 50 Shades of Green! And then it all blows up in his face at the end. Just after ejaculating.
Tags: bonin'


  1. BoneBreaker0069's Avatar
    Hey Chef.

    Not that I want to tell you what to do, but you could possibly get more people to buy and read your book if you don't tell them how it ends to start with.
    Just a suggestion, let me know how that works out for you...
  2. ChefBourdain's Avatar
    Such insolence! Just for that, BB69, I will be writing you into the book...

    "Well BoneBreaker0069, did you really think you could escape me, General Petraeus, a master tactician and spymaster?"

    "mmmmph mmmph!" was all BoneBreaker could reply, for he was ball gagged and handcuffed to a radiator with military-grade bondage gear.

    "And now BoneBreaker, you will see how we deal with enemies of America!" said Petraeus boldly. His donkey costume pants hit the floor with a muted whump. "And now...feel the Eagle!"

    Want to read more? Pre-Order Petraeus: Bonin' and Spyin' from your favorite online retailer!
    Available soon from the same award-winning* creative team that brought you Blurple Balls: Worse Than Blue Balls and Blurple Balls 2: More Blurpler.
  3. BoneBreaker0069's Avatar
    That was pretty creative Chef.
    However, you did not mention how you were going to penetrate my Combination Vibranium / Admantium Exo-Skeleton (Note Avatar) so I guess that I would NOT have to worry about "Feeling the Eagle".

    Try to offer some friendly advice......
  4. ChefBourdain's Avatar
    Ah...I see that we will have ourselves a dry humping chapter. Well played, BB...well played.
  5. BoneBreaker0069's Avatar
    Dry Humping?
    Have you noticed the sharp edges on that thing?
    That would be an S&M Chapter on self mutilation and auto-castration.
    Upon further consideration, you should probably make that the epilogue if you plan on leaving it :P
  6. Zar's Avatar
    Chef, I am confused. Perhaps you don't want to spoil the fun, but I wondered if there is a separate ejaculate scene on every page of the book, or if there is a single love scene that in some interesting way breaks the third wall and actually deposits sperm (I was going to say 'something like...', but I suspect you are all about authenticity) over all the pages in the book.

    Now comes my confusion: if the latter is the case (and I certainly hope so, as it will be a triumph in interactive book reading), how do you ascertain that every page receives its due.
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